Like many others, I’ve been immensely enjoying news from the most active front in our Third World War. Enjoying? Yes. I have to say it that way because it’s the right verb. Modern villainy rarely disappoints, and the cold truth is that most of us are merely spectators, sipping sugary drinks and watching the bombs fall on hospitals and apartment blocks. Which is probably a good thing because the Department of Defense recently announced that 77% of American youth can’t even qualify for service. They are too fat. Or they can’t read. Or they’ve been to jail a bunch of times. If a nation rots from the inside out, which it probably does, that’s just additional proof that we are mired in the long-term goo.
At any rate, Uncle Prigozhin’s recent mutiny—or was it a coup attempt, or was it simply a modern version of the rally-car race complete with artillery, tanks, and surface to air missiles—was spellbinding theater for all of us armchair generals and interested observers.
This morning the Russians released some cartoonish videos of the FSB raiding Uncle Prig’s old Wagner offices, which was so obviously staged and ridiculous the only thing missing from the reel was the Benny Hill soundtrack. But at least the discoveries were fascinating—Uncle Prig in his various disguises, sledgehammers used to smash skulls, the obligatory photo of heads on pikes, and vans full of shrink-wrapped rubles.
Many folks around the world were actually pulling for Uncle Prig and his well-paid collection of Orcs and Borgs to spike Putin in the coffin wherein he sleeps, but it’s probably better to remember the old saw about being careful what you wish for. The next guy could be much worse, and probably will be, if history is any guide.
The Arab traveller, Ibn Fadlan, wrote about his trip up the Volga in the year 922. In a chapter called “Disgusting Habits,” he noted the behavior of these early Russians:
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